Why women are taking their anger out in rage rooms

"There was definitely a moment of discomfort at the start," says Deena, but she says her visit to a so-called rage room felt very different to what she’d expected. She didn’t feel chaotic or aggressive smashing things up, but instead "surprisingly controlled and a lot more intentional". "Once I settled into it, it felt like more of a physical release as opposed to an emotional outburst," she told the BBC. Deena is one of a reportedly growing number of women choosing to pay to hammer and bash old items such as TVs, furniture and crockery whilst kitted out in specialist protective gear. The concept of rage rooms is believed to have originated in Japan in the late 2000s, whilst a woman called Donna Alexander says she created an "anger room" in her Texas garage around the same time, allowing people to come in and smash up items that had been fly tipped. There are still only a small number of venues in the UK where people are handed a baseball bat and let loose. They’ve been touted as one way to alleviate stress and release pent-up anger. But what seems surprising is the client base, with some owners saying most of their customers are women.

Deena says she initially tried one "out of curiosity". "I’m not an angry or volatile person, I come across as a very calm and composed individual so initially it did feel quite strange and almost wrong." Afterwards, she "felt a lot lighter, a lot calmer," comparing the experience to hitting "a reset switch" or having "a really good deep tissue massage". Deena says her job is fast paced and involves "a lot of responsibility and constant decision making," and now thinks a rage room could help her with this. If she gets too stressed, she would visit one again, she says.

Similarly, Shuka says she didn’t feel angry, but wanted to see how it felt to "let loose" and was given a car to smash up whilst listening to a playlist of her favourite songs. "It was way more satisfying than I expected, there was something weirdly freeing about smashing things and not having to be careful." "Afterwards I felt like I’d done a workout for my brain as well as my body," she says. Kate Cutler, the co-owner and founder of a rage room in East Sussex, says it’s "getting busier and busier" with female customers. She decided to set it up whilst her daughter, who has since died, was battling brain cancer. Going to a rage room had been on her bucket list. She says some women come in because they’ve been cheated on or had a difficult break-up and sometimes just because "they have anger coming from nowhere."

Author and psychotherapist Jennifer Cox told Radio 4 Woman’s Hour she believes women are "conditioned" to repress feelings of "frustration, anger, aggression and rage". Often, she says women, in particular – end up "sandwiched" between the demands of work, parents and small children, and can end up "furious." Really they should let it out, she says, and thinks spaces like this, which allow women to release their anger can be very helpful. She suggests setting up "mini rage rooms in the home" by piling up cushions and pillows and "really going for it" in order to release some of that anger and stress. "When we repress [rage] it comes out in our bodies in all sorts of different ways – anxiety, depression, OCD, migraines, stomach problems," she added.

Shelly Dar, a mental health therapist, agrees, telling Radio 5 Live rage rooms can provide "an instant relief", and you can feel calmer and clearer afterwards. It’s healthy to feel angry, she says, but it gets a bad reputation because we see the outburst, not the build up. "And because we are so overloaded with life, there isn’t a safe space to express anything messy," Shelly said. Spaces like these are one way for women to get their feelings out safely, she says. "A lot of the problem for women nowadays is that we don’t want to be judged, so we have to keep all of these emotions in, playing the good girl role, maybe being the calm mother, the calm reflective parent, and we have been socialised to be nice."

The phenomenon of rage rooms, also known as smash rooms or anger rooms, has been gaining traction globally as an unconventional outlet for stress and pent-up emotions. These dedicated spaces provide individuals with a safe environment to destroy objects, ranging from old electronics and glassware to furniture and even vehicles, using tools like baseball bats, sledgehammers, and crowbars. While the concept might seem extreme, proponents argue it offers a cathartic release that traditional methods of stress management may not fully address.

The appeal of rage rooms for women, in particular, can be attributed to a complex interplay of societal expectations and personal experiences. Historically, women have been socialized to be more emotionally reserved, often suppressing feelings of anger, frustration, and aggression to conform to ideals of gentleness and composure. This conditioning can lead to a build-up of unexpressed emotions, which can manifest in various physical and psychological ailments, as Jennifer Cox noted. Rage rooms offer a unique, albeit unconventional, solution to this ingrained societal pressure by providing a sanctioned space where women can express these "unladylike" emotions without fear of judgment or consequence.

Deena’s experience highlights this aspect. Her initial discomfort stemmed from a perceived deviation from her usual calm demeanor. However, the subsequent feeling of control and intentionality, rather than chaos, suggests a nuanced release. She describes it as a "physical release as opposed to an emotional outburst," likening it to a "reset switch" or a deep tissue massage. This points to the physical exertion involved in smashing objects as a potent stress reliever, tapping into primal instincts that are often suppressed in daily life. The sheer physicality of the act can be deeply satisfying, allowing for a tangible expression of internal turmoil.

Shuka’s sentiment of it being "weirdly freeing" resonates with this idea of unburdening oneself. The absence of the need to be careful or considerate of the objects being destroyed allows for a complete surrender to the act. This lack of restraint, in a controlled and safe environment, can be incredibly liberating for individuals who constantly navigate the complexities of maintaining decorum and politeness in their everyday lives. The experience is not just about destruction; it’s about the temporary suspension of societal norms and the permission to be, for a brief period, unapologetically unrestrained.

Kate Cutler’s personal connection to her rage room, established during her daughter’s battle with cancer, adds another layer to its appeal. It speaks to the profound need for outlets during times of immense emotional distress. For women facing difficult break-ups, betrayals, or simply the overwhelming pressures of modern life, rage rooms offer a tangible way to confront and release these negative emotions. The "anger coming from nowhere" that Cutler mentions is a common experience for many, a symptom of accumulated stress and unresolved feelings that can manifest unexpectedly.

The psychological underpinnings of rage rooms are further explored by mental health professionals like Shelly Dar. She emphasizes that anger itself is a healthy emotion, often misunderstood due to its association with destructive outbursts. The build-up of anger, however, is what can be detrimental. Rage rooms, in this context, provide a constructive avenue for this build-up to be expressed, preventing it from festering and leading to more severe mental health issues. The "instant relief" and subsequent feeling of calm and clarity are significant indicators of its therapeutic potential.

Dar also touches upon the societal pressure on women to maintain a facade of "niceness" and avoid judgment. This often leads to the internalization of emotions, which can be detrimental to well-being. Rage rooms offer a sanctuary where women can shed this imposed persona and engage in an activity that is both physically and emotionally demanding, allowing for a genuine release. The act of smashing objects can be seen as a symbolic dismantling of the pressures and expectations that weigh them down.

The concept of creating "mini rage rooms" at home, as suggested by Jennifer Cox, further illustrates the widespread need for such outlets. While not as impactful as a dedicated facility, the idea of using cushions and pillows to release pent-up anger highlights the basic human need for a physical manifestation of emotional release. This suggests that the desire to smash and destroy is not merely a fleeting trend but a fundamental aspect of emotional regulation for some.

The growing popularity of rage rooms, particularly among women, is a testament to their effectiveness as a coping mechanism in a world that often demands emotional stoicism. While some may view them as a frivolous indulgence, the experiences of individuals like Deena and Shuka, and the insights of professionals like Cox and Dar, suggest a deeper, more therapeutic purpose. These rooms offer a unique blend of physical exertion, emotional catharsis, and a temporary escape from societal expectations, providing a much-needed space for women to safely express their anger and find a sense of release and rejuvenation. The continued growth of this industry indicates a societal acknowledgment of the need for unconventional, yet effective, methods of managing the stresses and strains of modern life.